Yuki Eiri's List
by sheepism
Summary: Fifty Things I Would Never Do and Some I Never Should Have Done and Others I Would Never Do Again.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from the manga or anime. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Shuichi's List

Reminder:

Things I Would Never Do and Some I Never Should Have Done and Others I Would Never Do Again.

1. Let Shuichi cook.

-The trouble that inevitably follows is not worth any good food. This ends up in hospitals or casts or humongous ice packs. The brat is the only person who can burn himself on a toaster for kids (No hassles, No burns). I still can't figure out how he did that.

2. Stop Smoking.

-Never gonna happen, especially with Shuichi around.

3. Write him lyrics.

-If I help his writing will remain trash.

4. Go to family reunion.

-I'd have to go to hell.

5. Meet Shuichi's family.

-Insanity runs in the family. Even phone calls make me cringe, and they're not even talking to me.

6. Give Shuichi a car

-he nearly had mine written off. If he wants a car he has to buy his own. Then he can crash it all he wants, as long as he doesn't get hurt anyway.

7. Give ANYONE access to my laptop

-I'll kill for it.

8. Let Tatsuha meet Ryuuichi.

-I will not stop hearing about it for DAYS. He will loiter by my apartment just so he can shout it to my ear every time I have to get out. Fanboys.

9. Give Shuichi access to any of my personal belongings.

-this is for protection, both his and mine. If I hear, see, smell anything vaguely resembling Bad Luck on any of my stuff I'll be on court over a murder trial pleading innocence due to insanity.

10. Leave Shuichi alone

-The house will not survive. My sanity will not survive. He thinks of the most idiotic things when left alone. He already thinks of stupid things even when I'm there to at least limit it. I don't want to know what happens if I'm not there.

11. Sing or Dance

-Do I look like a hyperactive brat?

12. Let Shuichi choose my clothes.

-Have you SEEN his clothes? No. Never. I prefer long sleeves and pants thank you very much.

13. Teach Shuichi tango.

-Taught him cha-cha for a formal event. I do not have any intention of repeating the torture, especially with a dance like tango.

14. Let Shuichi have the remote control while I'm in the vicinity.

-Have you seen one of those stupid cartoon bunnies bopping to some random baby beats? Add one Shuichi singing along at the top of his lungs. You get a very disturbing scene.

15. Put locks on the bedroom door.

-He locked himself in the bathroom for HOURS. I had to bring the door down just so I can go in. I do not want to deal with lack of sleep because he locked the bedroom unintentionally.

16. Shuichi and Ryuuichi in the apartment

-I'll kill them both if I find squiggles and doodles all over the walls and the floor. Do you know how much trouble it is to get the stains off the walls? And they destroyed most of my kitchen. And the bedroom, the bedroom was what nightmares were made of. Never have I seen a more trauma-inducing scene.

17. Give Shuichi extra money.

-Not after I found out where he spends it. On his constumes. A Pepsi-Cola costume. Jesus.

18. Let Shuichi talk to Touma after a Fight.

-My sister asked me what turns me on so she can tell it to the brat, and gave me a detailed description of what Shuichi expects from me, which includes -apparently- me treating him to an expensive candlelight dinner. She was also quite mad at me because they were interrupted while having some 'quality time'.

19. Sleep before Shuichi comes home

-A useless cause. I always wake up when he enters anyway. And he panics immediately if I do not respond when he calls. Honestly, what does he think? That he would call and I would not reply because I already disappeared? Please, I am not as cowardly as that. Well, not quite.

20. Leave without leaving a note.

-He searched for me until his feet went bleeding because I didn't bother telling him that I had a meeting with my editor and would be returning late. He also calls and text me so much when I 'disappear' that my phone still announces Memory Full after I cleaned up for the fifth time. He can be quite insecure. And when I'm gone EVERYONE knows. He goes through every number on the phone, calling each of them, asking if they know where I am. I know this because the Editor-in-Chief and Publisher once complained. Apparently Shuichi called them mid-meeting. Honestly, me disappearing would send the brat to the hospital and send most of his friends and acquaintances to the mental ward (frustration case).

21. Throw my laptop at his head in frustration.

-Not gonna happen. I'd probably lose my files and he's probably end up in the hospital, bawling his eyes out.

22. Tell the brat the password for my email address.

-He'll be moping in misery and basking in bliss if he reads my email. I'm not stupid.

23. Create an accessible webpage where everyone can post comments.

-I'll kill the bastard who did this and used my name. Shuichi wouldn't stop crying because some fans were bashing him pretty bad. I'll kill them too, the fans I mean. Only I can make Shuichi cry. They don't have the privilege. Only I do, because I also put up with him through his hyper moods.

24. Allow Ryuichi in the apartment.

-If he wants to see me or Shuichi they can do it outside. The sight of him gives me headaches. And I want to kill kumagoro. Damn bunny from the cartoons Shuichi is always watching.

25. Let Ayaka within ten meter radius.

-I HATED to see Shuichi cry at that moment. Ayaka can be such a spoiled brat and it's not even cute or amusing. I think I was a bit scared when Shuichi ran off when he saw me with Ayaka. At that moment he had no reason to return to me, he could have left and the whole thing could have been blamed on me. Thankfully he didn't, though he doesn't allow me and Ayaka on the same room.

26. Allow knives in the apartment

-I don't care if all we eat is take out or canned or microwavable food. No knives in the kitchen, in the whole apartment. It makes good suicide inspiration and death trap for careless people. And I really don't want to go to the hospital carrying one bloody lover, because he carelessly cut his arm while buttering the toast up. No thank you.

27. Read Statistical reports.

-No, I actually do not want to know how failed suicide attempts far outnumber accidental death. I do not want to be paranoid. That Brat is someone who can fail at planned death (known as suicide) but can kill himself by accidentally stabbing himself when cutting out paper hearts. I refuse to be paranoid. He cannot commit suicide due to stupidity but can accidentally kill himself by idiocy.

28. Let Shuichi bring his work home.

-He forgets I'm there when he's engrossed practicing a tune. I do not like to be ignored in favour of some stupid tune. Writing lyrics are allowed because he thinks of getting my approval. The rest are to be left at the studio.

29. Say I Love You

-The words are common and they hold no meaning. Actions are far more important, combined with a few choice phrases. Besides, he says 'I love you' enough for both of us. But still, no Kissing in public, idiot_._

30. Talk about Him.

-I don't like the way I feel vulnerable after. I Hate the way Shuichi looks when I say His name, like he would bash His face if he sees Him. I don't want him to get protective. I will be the one to protect him.

31. Let Shuichi sleep alone.

-He panics and cries so much it's not even funny.

32. Trust anyone to make plans for my day.

-No one, and i mean NO ONE, makes plans for me. Not Mika, not Touma and, God forbid, never the Brat. Try it and die

33. Buy a pet

-Shuichi would kill it 'accidentally'. Burying it would be a bother

34. Leave money lying around.

-Not after the hair dye incident. No.

35. Celebrate Valentines

-Valentines+Romantic Aura=Hyper Shuichi. Valentines also has chocolates (duh). If I could stop his fans from giving him chocolate, I would. They might think it's a nice gesture of appreciation at all but I don't. THEY are not the one who would have to deal with sugar high Shuichi.

36. Give him chocolate and other sweets and coffee.

-Obvious reasons. Figure it out, stupid.

37. Shower with Shuichi

-Not all of us can stand boiling water shower.

38. Leave Shuichi to TAtsuha when I'm going away for a long period of time.

-Never again after I saw him pawing the brat imagining Ryuichi. No one touches him but me.

39. Let other people call Shuichi stupid.

-Only I can call the brat Stupid. He might actually believe it if it is repeated too many times. He may be hyper and childish and a brat but he's not stupid.

40. Tell him 'I Hate You' in anger.

-I'll be first to admit that it was a stupid thing to do but I never thought he'd actually leave. Left me, for a WEEK! Without telling me or Hiro or his family or anyone else where he's gone off to. I almost went out of my mind with worry.

41. Tell him 'I was Worried'

-Based on his reaction you'd think i told him he's the King of Atlantis.

42. Acknowledge K's presence.

-He thinks business and I have no intention of being one of his pawn pieces to make Shuichi move.

43. Buy Shuichi a dress.

-Jesus Christ.

44. Profess by undying love to stop Shuichi from leaving

-One, he won't leave (I'll hunt him down and drag him back kicking and screaming). Two, he knows I love him.

45. Let him read the acknowledgements in my book.

-I'd rather go to hell.

46. Let him read my books.

-I'd bring him to hell.

47. Hate pink

-The idiot dyed his hair tangerine. Tangerine! Bright blinding Tangerine! The shower was an orange wreck for weeks! Idiot.

48. Clean the spare room.

-Went in once, never gonna do it again. I could not believe the stuff there. I will never go in again, much more clean it. No.

49. Cheat

-It would kill us.

50. Leave

-Both of us will not survive.


End file.
